Last entry in here. Five years and so many things are ending along with this notebook. I’m leaving Washington again, but only for Portland, so I won’t be going far. The end of my job with the State, the end of my living in this house, the end of everything I set out to do when I came out here. I’ve done all the things, and yet overall I still have not really known myself, seen myself. I’m still trying to be normal, even when I have understood 1000 times that I am just not like other people. I am seeing myself and understanding myself, knowing that I am okay however I am. There’s a place in the world for me and I can just be myself, for real. I’m not a girly girl who’s gonna meet a man and get married and have kids and live in a house and work in an office. I want to study, to travel, to have adventure. I’m just gonna go be myself and follow my heart and let everything else fall into place. There is a world out there for me, there is a life. I just had to know which life I was gonna live. Portland, grad school, these are all things I’ve wanted for quite some time. Peace corps, travel, experience, then writing, how I still just want to write. I think I can do great things with all of this if I just go forward without fear, to love and not be hurt.
Olympia, Washington ~2016
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