I wish things could stay the same
Although I long for it all to be different
Maybe my love will fade away
And maybe we’ll just cope
Why can’t the good things stay
And all the bad simply fade
Even though it was all so plain then
I can’t forget the comfort
I was happy on those nights but it never seemed enough
Now I would give my all to get it back
I don’t understand the passing of time
And I can’t accept the change of lives
The way things were hold me back
Insisting that I REMEMBER and hold on
I left the future behind a long time ago
To wallow in the present that exists only in me
I’ve been trapped here for so long I now call it my home
I’ve been melting and dying with each sun that rises
All that’s left is a mind that knows no time
Doesn’t believe in reality or in making things better
Only timeless thought and ridiculous dreams
I am but a desperate hopeful hoping for everything
And living in fear of the very things I hope for
Although living is used in only the broadest terms
Sure, I’m breathing and my heart somehow still beats
But if I said I was living it would only be a lie
Like the time that I said
I will now and forever be changing always
I lie to myself and I lied to him
But he lied to me first and I know living betrayed me
Yes, my love, it will surely fade
But I will not bear it
I cannot accept this change
Because I’ll be left with nothing
Why does this world cast me down
Why am I only an empty shell
I once felt things strongly
I remember the morning I stroked his face and cried
I can live in the past, I’ve done it for so long
What will happen to me when no past is good past
What is the past, other than a mere word
It’s all nothing just like everything else
Each night I pray for salvation
For a method to this madness
But the lakes are gone, the rivers have run dry
The waters of life run through me no more
Understanding is a sham; people playing pretend
Because everyone fears the day their lives end
When we find out it was all for nothing
The jobs and degrees and money are all a crock of shit
But I know nothing more
I don’t know how to get out of here
I don’t know how to live again
Klamath Falls, Oregon ~2001