What I want is peace of mind
And peace of mind I will get
When my inner powers are aligned
With the things I do day by day
What I want is a beautiful body
One that I can look at and not cringe
I know that what I see is all up to me
I need to control the munchies binge
What I want is to write beautiful words
With moving metaphors and stunning truths
But I can only write what I know
And I can only write it, plain and simple
Without rhyme and without reason
Month after month, season after season
I feel so much I can’t put it all on paper
I try real hard but the pretty thoughts taper
off into the sunset with the birds and the trees
And the masterpiece I started is only a tease
A tease of what I can say
I look to the front of this book and wonder
How did I ever feel that way
Where did I find the words to write so well
When trying to write now is like getting out of hell
Damn near impossible
But lately my feelings haven’t been true
I let myself drown in passionate feelings
I felt so strongly and expected too much
From someone who didn’t even think that he existed
I was so consumed in him
And trying to have him
I didn’t even know who I really was anymore
But when the block was lifted
And I could see the truth
I was rendered physically ill
From the clarity of it all
So I had no choice but to leave
Patterns had formed
Bad habits had taken over
I had become so relied upon
By people who had no idea
Who they were or that life was happening
So I broke the chains around me
It was such a tightly woven mess
The lives of so many others were changed
But always for the better
So I know what I did was right
For everyone concerned
And now I am just sitting here
Just being
Trying to find myself, contemplate my world
The world in my head has driven me to tears
Whispering things in my ear while I’m asleep
Things that never happened and never will
Things that make me angry, sad, or stupid
But I will not listen to them anymore
I’m sick of being a liar
And I’m sick of him being a liar
We should all find our truths
We should all remove our masks
We should all remove ourselves from the drama
And hopefully, when we all meet again
We’ll all just be better
Klamath Falls, Oregon ~2001
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