Oh, it’s cold again and I think it’s going to stay like this for a while. Mom is home today, and I think that’s going to be that way for a while. Everything else is the same. My obsession with Jonathan is apparent today. He keeps calling me but I’m always asleep. He’s never home in my waking hours. I wanted to see him again so badly but fate just wouldn’t let it happen. Why did fate let it get this far and then cut me off, reject me from the only thing that made me feel like I was changing, that the world was changing, that maybe, for once in my life, something good was actually coming my way…but I was wrong. I felt it so much this time.
I felt so many things that were true
But this is the end
Or is it just the
Cold weather going more
than skin deep
Feeling it, the cold
Coming out from within
In my heart and in my head
Sending my smile into hibernation
And leaving only timeless thought
Wandering around in my head
Making me wish i was dead
I only want to curl up in my bed
Forget all the things I know and have seen
And dream, just dream
Of the tomorrow I’ve been waiting for
Finally coming today
When will all the things I see in the future
Become a reality
I know that time passes and I’ve
Seen it happen
But why does it take so long
I think about the seasons changing
And how sometimes I never
Thought I’d see the sun again
I realize just how wrong I
Really was about time
Time passes quickly
In nanoseconds, to the gods
So many things can happen
And we don’t even realize
I look back now and wonder
Where the past year went
It all happened
So much, so quickly
I don’t even know where the past four years went
It all seemed so clear then
I can’t even imagine that
Part of my life these days
I can’t even imagine what
It would be like to not be alone
I’ve always been alone it seems
But wait, there was that 14 months when I wasn’t
Or did that really happen
Was it just a dream
I dreamt a long time ago
That was so good and so impossible
That I held on to it for dear life
And letting go would mean total despair
I’ve always got to have hope
For the future
And what has the future
Brought me so far
Sure, I’ve been around a few places
And I’ve been around a few people
But come on, isn’t there something else
Something better
Why can’t I have
That one summer night
I always feel
With the lights and the city
And the perfect man in my arms
Oh well, I’ll get it someday
I always say
It’s the only thing I have
To look forward to
God, I’m going to have to face them someday
Although I’d rather not
Birmingham, Alabama ~2000
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