Is it okay for me to feel good about my life? Is it okay for me to be happy? Is it okay for me to sit back and just try to enjoy myself? To do whatever I want? To stop worrying about money and careers and achieving? I’m a creative, I’m an artistic, I’m a force, I’m energy, I need to manifest, channel, and disperse this energy out to the world in a good way, with something good from my heart. I feel my heart opening more. I feel me being more myself than I’ve ever been. I remember the good things about me. I realized that I have always been confident; I just didn’t know it. Haha. It sounds stupid, I know. All the things I did, I just did because I felt like I had to. All of my moves, anyway. So many people would not have done the shit I’ve done. I’ve just always thought that I lacked confidence but it was there the whole time, of course. Classic wizard of oz. Being in my own place is really really good for me. I’m starting to grasp the idea of building the life I want. What is the life I want? One full of laughter, loved ones, food, drink, art, beauty, tears, deep talks, amazing revelations, and experiencing in this world that I want. God, I just wanted someone to nurture me so fucking badly, but no one ever did. Why was I never taken under anyone’s wing, never defended, never protected, never safe? Just sad and lonely, always sad and lonely. Well, fuck it, I fucking refuse to let that defeat me. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I shrug the chip off my shoulder. I just wanna be happy and make others happy, not by giving people everything they want, but by just being me. When you help yourself, you help the world. I feel good. Things are going well.
Olympia, Washington ~2015
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